First week of running training and dietician. Ugg.

Weighed myself this morning after one week of following the dietician plan. I was 86.5kg so have only lost .5kg. Rubbish! Plus it is up from earlier in the week by 1kg.
I am mostly blaming the two wholewheat wraps I had last night as I'm not supposed to be having carbs of an evening.

Last night we went supermarket shopping but to a much smaller supermarket, due to the fact we are still car-less. I couldn't get a lot of the things the dietician recommended buying/trying which was more than a bit of a bugger. I'll do a top-up shop at the weekend if we get a car back.

This mornings weigh-in was a little disheartening although I realise I need to eat perfectly and up the exercise a bit more in this next week until I see her.

I managed a run at lunch but really struggled for the 40 mins we ran - read stumbled. My legs felt like lead and I'm wondering if I can still blame tuesdays boxercise class for all the squats and lunges....not sure.
Anyway, I know I'm going to have some bad runs along the way where I really struggle but thank god I was with my running partner today as I would definitely have thrown in the towel after 10 minutes otherwise. I'm pretty good at motivating myself to go running but very bad at persevering when it comes to the actual running if I'm alone. I know I can do it, my body is definitely capable but I need to reach in and find the will power to carry on and not walk.
This weekend will see me tackle my first training run alone - fingers crossed I'll be able to complete it.

My food today has been very good apart from three small chocolates. Not good but an improvement for sure.
I also stopped at two oatcakes today - I'll not be buying these again due to my inability to stop munching them.

D(ietician)-Day

So last Thursday, I finally met up with the dietician that I've been going on about. She ended up coming to the office after work as both our cars have broken down at the moment.
Despite shutting all the doors to my office, she seemed to be shouting out lots of embarrassing facts about weight loss, that made me cringe thinking my two bosses could hear in the office next door. Particularly as I had told my boss that I needed the office to meet up with a trainer about running the Great North Run half marathon in September. I am actually running it but the trainer part was a complete lie.

I was pleased to know that I do make the right choices food-wise and that I actually know quite a bit about nutrition already. However I eat too much (portion sizes are an issue), drink too much wine at the weekends and generally eat too much crap at the weekends...although am good in the week.
Í learnt quite a bit and the plan seems quite flexible as such but I will be avoiding alcohol (as much as possible), white flour products and items with a high G.I.
No treats but I shouldn't feel hungry.

The meeting was not ground-breaking as such - I guess everyone hopes for some sort of miracle answer - but I am feeling reasonably determined and accepting that this is going to be a long process. The alcohol is going to be the tricky one for me and although I have just managed a wine-free weekend (highly unusual for me), I feel there will be challenges ahead in this department.
I like the idea of the accountability and feel like I need the dietician to keep on track. I have asked her to weigh me in two weeks time so we shall see.
I have pledged to see her every two weeks and have had to do some measurements. Next time, we will work on a goal...but personally I am hoping to lose at least two stone by the Great North Run - that is 5 months today. Totally do-able.

This morning I was 85.5 kilos, so the wine-free weekend seems to have paid off so far. I know I shouldn't weigh myself often - I guess once a week would be fine, but I'm so curious and sneaky peeks seem so harmless when the scale is going down....

Madelines

I don't like these either but seemed to have inhaled three before lunch. I started off reasonably ok with a banana and a yoghurt mixed with a few oats, my normal breakfast.
Then I ate the three madelines (two stuffed down in the kitchen) followed by a wrap and salad for lunch.
This afternoon has already involved a couple of marshmallows (english ones so nice) and a fox's glacier mint. I think I'm on some kind of bingeing roll of late, probably brought on by some kind of last supper mindset due to the impending dietician appointment.
One of the reasons I'm seeing her next week is that I'm off to the UK this weekend and at the back of my mind, I want to be able to indulge in all the treats the UK has to offer.
The UK is definitely a binge trigger for me, it's the eat-everything-I-can't-get-in-France-all-in-one-weekend mentality. I've already got fish and chips in mind for the weekend, even though they usually make me feel sick. Ho-hum.

I guess I want to get back to where I was a few years back, let's say 6 years ago. It's before I went through a two year low point and where my weight started to increase. I was big as a teenager before losing nearly three stone through weightwatchers. I kept that off give or take 10 pounds, for over 7 years.
Now I'm back bigger than I was then (this morning was around 88kg) and less in control than ever.
In those slimmer years I was much more controlled although I hated eating in front of people, which isn't totally normal either. I would never be seen picking crisps or peanuts from a bowl, or snacking on anything that wasn't totally virtuous.
While I don't want to have that paranoia back regarding eating (which probably encouraged some secret eating), I would like that control back and certainly that figure!

I really want to look into why I've developed the binge eating patterns that I have and when and why it started. I know that from a very young age I was praised for eating and for not being fussy at home. At school (a convent run by nuns), my sister and I (who has suffered with bulimia and body dysmorphia most of her life) were known as good eaters and we always got big portions or second helpings. We were also terrified by the nuns into finishing every last bit, if your plate wasn't empty we had to scrape it into the 'pig' bin - funny when you think that I was the pig who finished every scrap. The pig bin was guarded by a nun who scolded those of less appetite and rumours of the cane for those who needed use of the pig bin circulated.
I remember our family not being very well enough in early childhood, so treats were scarce. This meant I ate lots of biscuits shoved in really quickly, as rations were short. Evidence was then hidden but I know I was obsessed with sweet treats from an early age.

I can't afford both counselling and the dietician so I'm going to see the dietician first. The counselling is probably what will be required eventually but for now I'm taking arguably the least painful route.

Contemplation

I'm contemplating recording my diet issues on here...only because I've just failed (again) at Weight Watchers and am about to take up again with another (second) dietician to shift some of this mornings 87.5 kilos....

I've learnt a lot from other weight loss bloggers and as well as the fascination their success stories (and failures) hold, they have also helped me identify some of my own issues with food. I probably need some counselling to deal with some of these things but I'm not quite ready for that.....

I started this blog during a tumultuous time in my life. It kind of served its purpose back then, even though I discovered I wasn't particularly good at the written word stuff.

I would like to give something back to those who have helped me and like the idea of accountability. Watch this space...