Happy days....

My birthday celebrations went well.

After the mixed emotions of the actual day and the combined high of Fete de la Musique, getting the keys to my new flat and the summer solstice on the 21st, I was on the way to being wrecked before the weekend celebrations even started.

In the end, 21 of us headed up to the gorges for some camping fun. Perfect weather, perfect food and company, the ubiquitous rosé and a very chilled vibe all round provided the most idyllic weekend I could have hoped for. In short, it couldn't have been better.

I had snippets of that feeling that I haven't had for a while and certainly don't get as often as I used to, that feeling of happiness, contentment and that this is what life is all about.

Despite struggling with some cultural aspects and frustrations that I get from living in a country other than my own, I felt on several occasions that this is why I choose to live here. It felt worthwhile.

After a horrible year last year where pretty much every aspect of my life went completely tits up at one point or another, I feel I have come a long way since then, run marathons in fact.

I feel positive and settled for the first time in a long time. I feel that I have achieved a lot in the last year, more than I hoped to by now.
I have some new goals now and one project on hold but things are looking good.

I'm not sure if 30 is supposed to be a pivotal point in your life or not but I know it was for a lot of my friends and some big changes were made.
Despite a wobble during a couple of weeks in the run up to the big 3-0, I don't think I could have handled it better.

It is the same as 29 really, it just rolls off the tongue a little easier, a nice round number to boot.
For me it is the summit of the hill that was my twenties. It rounds them off.

There will be equally trying times to come but I can only hope that wisdom and experience will facilitate them for me.....at least somewhat.

I hope that I have learnt from my mistakes and that I will make different ones - not that I hope to make any of course...

As they say about wine and art; many things getter better, more desirable and valuable with age. I will be very much applying this to myself.

Thirty

I am thirty today.

It was briefly tinged with sadness before, when opening a card from my mum. Something about enjoying life as it is precious. True words.

Dad would have been 68 today.

Crashing on, I am looking forward to a few tipples later on this evening and then a suitably debauched weekend camping in the gorge...bring it on.

Age changes

1 week till I turn 30. 1 week.

After my two week wobble concerning this occasion, I am glad to report that I am indeed very fine about this now. Very fine. I am muchly embracing my elderly-ness and looking forward to some hedonism and the odd present, if you will.

As I was lying in bed last night, trying to sleep, I was going through all my birthdays from age 16, seeing if I could remember them. It seems I cannot.

16 was rubbish - a BBQ held by my father as he shared the exact same birthday as myself. I was allowed some friends but it all ended very badly.

At 17, my parents towed the caravan up to Derbyshire and let us run riot for a weekend. We got into trouble for making too much noise - standard - took LSD and gatecrashed a 2CV rally.

18 was a meal out with friends....unremarkable apart from the coming of age factor.

19 was spent in Surfer's paradise in Oz. I got my nose pierced and ended the evening rowing with my best friend. I called her Miss. Perfect and she 'insulted' me by retorting with Miss. Pierced Nose. Imaginative.

20 was my first year at Uni. As with most of my first year, I can't remember anything.

21 was spent in Blackpool in a B and B. I had lots of silly tasks to complete including the essential snog-a-minger and skinny dipping in the sea. Nice. I also celebrated this one in the South of France.

22....no idea but probably the South of France again.

23 was watching England play football against someone for the world cup.

24 was at a joint held party in Golfe Juan. Very messy.

25 was spent in Capri on a boat, working. I think it ended in an argument between the chief stewardess and the bosun.

26 was one of my very favouritist. Lots of presents, lots of friends, lots or revelry and drunken debauchery. The Tequila bar and Xtreme cafe featured.

27 was the one where I was supposed to be at a friends wedding. I had my polka dot dress and everything. Unfortunately the boss came down and I had to work. Boo. Oh yes, and my now ex-boyfriend lied about what he was doing and didn't come and see me when he could have. A bad one.

28 was spent at Cafe Brun in Biot. A random selection of friends and ended messily.

29 was last year. Not my favourite at all. It was the first birthday spent without Dad, who passed away on Valentine's Day last year. As we shared the birthday, it was weird not being able to call him up in the morning and sing 'Happy birthday' to each other down the phone. I also had just come out of a long term relationship and it was lonely waking up by myself. There was definitely some tears as I opened cards, then some drunkenness at the Lincoln pub.

And that brings me to 30. I am full of hope for this one. It will involve some camping, some drinking and some silly behaviour I hope.

Bring it on.

Premature smugness

Over the last couple of years, I have watched many a friend turn thirty, or twenty-ten, whichever they prefer.
(A made-up statistic of) 80% of them seemed to experience some kind of birthday related trauma/stress/depression.

Many of those who were in a long-term relationship pondered the make-or-break decision, and broke.
Those that were single were fed up of being so and had imagined themselves married or the like, at such an age.

As well as relationship issues, there were the 'I haven't achieved enough' issues, the 'I hate my job' issues, the 'stuck in a rut' and the 'haven't seen enough of the world' issues, to name but a few.
The general feeling was that time was moving fast, running out if you like, and that 30 marked the milestone to worry and then do something about it.

As for me, at the age of nine and twenty, I dismissed these concerns and was convinced I would be part of the (made-up statistic of) 20% who didn't care. It's only a birthday after all....isn't it?

Hell no. I am one month before the aforementioned date and I have spent the last week worrying. Worrying about all the things that I mentioned above. A lot.

This launch into the next decade is suddenly terrifying and more importantly, I am poised ready to plunge into it alone.

My friends were all right and justified. Turning twenty-ten is positively horrifying.

Never.

Two incidences last night about five minutes apart.

I have always been told that I look younger than my age. It is not something I am particularly bothered about, nor would I mind if I actually looked my age.

However.....a friend last night couldn't remember whether I was older or younger than him.

He is 8 years older. 8 years. I mean...I ask you.

Discussion followed.

On revealing my actual age a short while later, another friend exclaimed 'Never!'.

'Never what? Never that old or never that young?', I replied.

'Just.......never!' he said.

Which can only mean one thing...

Cheeky fuckers.