This man here has not spoken to me since my last post about him. Not that I care particularly, I would expect nothing less. I will just make sure I keep my guard up next time and not get seduced by his out of work relaxed (FUCKING FAKE) persona.
He came into the pub the other night with a random guy. He kissed my colleague with whom he shares an office, and then kissed me adding, 'I haven't seen you in weeks'.
Now excuse me if I'm wrong but I walk past his desk once or twice a day. EVERY day. There is a glass partition and I am about 2 feet from his desk. He even said hello last week.
I am not sure if it is his way of telling me I am irrelevant or unnoticeable even, either way he would have to be seriously fucking blind, stupid, have some sort of greeting Tourette's and short-term memory loss to claim he hasn't seen me in weeks.
Wanker.
That will be all.
Wednesday 27 June 2007
Tuesday 26 June 2007
Happy days....
My birthday celebrations went well.
After the mixed emotions of the actual day and the combined high of Fete de la Musique, getting the keys to my new flat and the summer solstice on the 21st, I was on the way to being wrecked before the weekend celebrations even started.
In the end, 21 of us headed up to the gorges for some camping fun. Perfect weather, perfect food and company, the ubiquitous rosé and a very chilled vibe all round provided the most idyllic weekend I could have hoped for. In short, it couldn't have been better.
I had snippets of that feeling that I haven't had for a while and certainly don't get as often as I used to, that feeling of happiness, contentment and that this is what life is all about.
Despite struggling with some cultural aspects and frustrations that I get from living in a country other than my own, I felt on several occasions that this is why I choose to live here. It felt worthwhile.
After a horrible year last year where pretty much every aspect of my life went completely tits up at one point or another, I feel I have come a long way since then, run marathons in fact.
I feel positive and settled for the first time in a long time. I feel that I have achieved a lot in the last year, more than I hoped to by now.
I have some new goals now and one project on hold but things are looking good.
I'm not sure if 30 is supposed to be a pivotal point in your life or not but I know it was for a lot of my friends and some big changes were made.
Despite a wobble during a couple of weeks in the run up to the big 3-0, I don't think I could have handled it better.
It is the same as 29 really, it just rolls off the tongue a little easier, a nice round number to boot.
For me it is the summit of the hill that was my twenties. It rounds them off.
There will be equally trying times to come but I can only hope that wisdom and experience will facilitate them for me.....at least somewhat.
I hope that I have learnt from my mistakes and that I will make different ones - not that I hope to make any of course...
As they say about wine and art; many things getter better, more desirable and valuable with age. I will be very much applying this to myself.
After the mixed emotions of the actual day and the combined high of Fete de la Musique, getting the keys to my new flat and the summer solstice on the 21st, I was on the way to being wrecked before the weekend celebrations even started.
In the end, 21 of us headed up to the gorges for some camping fun. Perfect weather, perfect food and company, the ubiquitous rosé and a very chilled vibe all round provided the most idyllic weekend I could have hoped for. In short, it couldn't have been better.
I had snippets of that feeling that I haven't had for a while and certainly don't get as often as I used to, that feeling of happiness, contentment and that this is what life is all about.
Despite struggling with some cultural aspects and frustrations that I get from living in a country other than my own, I felt on several occasions that this is why I choose to live here. It felt worthwhile.
After a horrible year last year where pretty much every aspect of my life went completely tits up at one point or another, I feel I have come a long way since then, run marathons in fact.
I feel positive and settled for the first time in a long time. I feel that I have achieved a lot in the last year, more than I hoped to by now.
I have some new goals now and one project on hold but things are looking good.
I'm not sure if 30 is supposed to be a pivotal point in your life or not but I know it was for a lot of my friends and some big changes were made.
Despite a wobble during a couple of weeks in the run up to the big 3-0, I don't think I could have handled it better.
It is the same as 29 really, it just rolls off the tongue a little easier, a nice round number to boot.
For me it is the summit of the hill that was my twenties. It rounds them off.
There will be equally trying times to come but I can only hope that wisdom and experience will facilitate them for me.....at least somewhat.
I hope that I have learnt from my mistakes and that I will make different ones - not that I hope to make any of course...
As they say about wine and art; many things getter better, more desirable and valuable with age. I will be very much applying this to myself.
Wednesday 20 June 2007
Thirty
I am thirty today.
It was briefly tinged with sadness before, when opening a card from my mum. Something about enjoying life as it is precious. True words.
Dad would have been 68 today.
Crashing on, I am looking forward to a few tipples later on this evening and then a suitably debauched weekend camping in the gorge...bring it on.
It was briefly tinged with sadness before, when opening a card from my mum. Something about enjoying life as it is precious. True words.
Dad would have been 68 today.
Crashing on, I am looking forward to a few tipples later on this evening and then a suitably debauched weekend camping in the gorge...bring it on.
Monday 18 June 2007
Crash and burn
So after spending a significant amount of time together and after three hours on my sofa this evening, the Hot Aussie coyly told me about his 21 year old chick.
Then he showed me photos.
She is very beautiful and he is very proud.
Can't believe this development has only just come to light.
Then he showed me photos.
She is very beautiful and he is very proud.
Can't believe this development has only just come to light.
No sun day
I tried to write about this last night but gave up in the end. It could have been to do with the fact that the keys on my laptop had shrunk, or my fingers had grown, however I think it was just the fact that I was too pissed to type.
Yesterday was rainy. Not much to do here when it rains. I mean nothing....except pubbage...
I managed to stay off the devil's drink, which was an achievement in itself, and just got slightly fuzzy. Not by mistake of course, which is usually the case, but very much on purpose.
I had the most unusual night with a couple of friends. For one of which I use the term 'friends' very loosely.
Without sounding like a complete cat, it's hard to try and describe the issues I have with this girl, plus sometimes they seem infinite which would take a while to document.
At times she is sweet, we get on, have a laugh. I have evenings where her company is great.
Then there are nights like last night where I am gritting my teeth and wincing with her every word leading me to boil with bad thoughts.
This town is small, it's not like I can banish her from my social occasions as we have mutual friends, but sometimes I wish I could. The way that I felt last night was tinged by white wine, yet I have a feeling it would have been easier to write about then than it is now.
I can't express how I feel the way I want to and I can't put my finger on what it is exactly that I want to express.
At this point that is as good as it gets which is quite frankly, well......rubbish.
Yesterday was rainy. Not much to do here when it rains. I mean nothing....except pubbage...
I managed to stay off the devil's drink, which was an achievement in itself, and just got slightly fuzzy. Not by mistake of course, which is usually the case, but very much on purpose.
I had the most unusual night with a couple of friends. For one of which I use the term 'friends' very loosely.
Without sounding like a complete cat, it's hard to try and describe the issues I have with this girl, plus sometimes they seem infinite which would take a while to document.
At times she is sweet, we get on, have a laugh. I have evenings where her company is great.
Then there are nights like last night where I am gritting my teeth and wincing with her every word leading me to boil with bad thoughts.
This town is small, it's not like I can banish her from my social occasions as we have mutual friends, but sometimes I wish I could. The way that I felt last night was tinged by white wine, yet I have a feeling it would have been easier to write about then than it is now.
I can't express how I feel the way I want to and I can't put my finger on what it is exactly that I want to express.
At this point that is as good as it gets which is quite frankly, well......rubbish.
Friday 15 June 2007
Under the weather
Booooooo.
It's Friday night and after a quiet week by my standards, I should under normal circumstances, feel ready to rock.
I am not.
The Hot Aussie texted and wants to hook up for a few scoops after work, along with the sister and another guy. Under normal circumstances, this would be excellent news.
My illness, although mild, is constantly evolving and I feel Rubbish. The dizziness and scratchy throat had evolved into an itchy cough, slight feverishness and nausea. My internal thermostat is broken and I feel very moany.
I am unlikely to do myself any favours by going out as my seemingly vacuous brain will have nothing to say for itself.
However, I am going to pop a couple of pills and hope for the best. You never know, I might be able to spritzer my way through it.....and as a former colleague of mine once said,
"If I'm well enough to work, I'm well enough to go to the pub."
It's Friday night and after a quiet week by my standards, I should under normal circumstances, feel ready to rock.
I am not.
The Hot Aussie texted and wants to hook up for a few scoops after work, along with the sister and another guy. Under normal circumstances, this would be excellent news.
My illness, although mild, is constantly evolving and I feel Rubbish. The dizziness and scratchy throat had evolved into an itchy cough, slight feverishness and nausea. My internal thermostat is broken and I feel very moany.
I am unlikely to do myself any favours by going out as my seemingly vacuous brain will have nothing to say for itself.
However, I am going to pop a couple of pills and hope for the best. You never know, I might be able to spritzer my way through it.....and as a former colleague of mine once said,
"If I'm well enough to work, I'm well enough to go to the pub."
Thursday 14 June 2007
Age changes
1 week till I turn 30. 1 week.
After my two week wobble concerning this occasion, I am glad to report that I am indeed very fine about this now. Very fine. I am muchly embracing my elderly-ness and looking forward to some hedonism and the odd present, if you will.
As I was lying in bed last night, trying to sleep, I was going through all my birthdays from age 16, seeing if I could remember them. It seems I cannot.
16 was rubbish - a BBQ held by my father as he shared the exact same birthday as myself. I was allowed some friends but it all ended very badly.
At 17, my parents towed the caravan up to Derbyshire and let us run riot for a weekend. We got into trouble for making too much noise - standard - took LSD and gatecrashed a 2CV rally.
18 was a meal out with friends....unremarkable apart from the coming of age factor.
19 was spent in Surfer's paradise in Oz. I got my nose pierced and ended the evening rowing with my best friend. I called her Miss. Perfect and she 'insulted' me by retorting with Miss. Pierced Nose. Imaginative.
20 was my first year at Uni. As with most of my first year, I can't remember anything.
21 was spent in Blackpool in a B and B. I had lots of silly tasks to complete including the essential snog-a-minger and skinny dipping in the sea. Nice. I also celebrated this one in the South of France.
22....no idea but probably the South of France again.
23 was watching England play football against someone for the world cup.
24 was at a joint held party in Golfe Juan. Very messy.
25 was spent in Capri on a boat, working. I think it ended in an argument between the chief stewardess and the bosun.
26 was one of my very favouritist. Lots of presents, lots of friends, lots or revelry and drunken debauchery. The Tequila bar and Xtreme cafe featured.
27 was the one where I was supposed to be at a friends wedding. I had my polka dot dress and everything. Unfortunately the boss came down and I had to work. Boo. Oh yes, and my now ex-boyfriend lied about what he was doing and didn't come and see me when he could have. A bad one.
28 was spent at Cafe Brun in Biot. A random selection of friends and ended messily.
29 was last year. Not my favourite at all. It was the first birthday spent without Dad, who passed away on Valentine's Day last year. As we shared the birthday, it was weird not being able to call him up in the morning and sing 'Happy birthday' to each other down the phone. I also had just come out of a long term relationship and it was lonely waking up by myself. There was definitely some tears as I opened cards, then some drunkenness at the Lincoln pub.
And that brings me to 30. I am full of hope for this one. It will involve some camping, some drinking and some silly behaviour I hope.
Bring it on.
After my two week wobble concerning this occasion, I am glad to report that I am indeed very fine about this now. Very fine. I am muchly embracing my elderly-ness and looking forward to some hedonism and the odd present, if you will.
As I was lying in bed last night, trying to sleep, I was going through all my birthdays from age 16, seeing if I could remember them. It seems I cannot.
16 was rubbish - a BBQ held by my father as he shared the exact same birthday as myself. I was allowed some friends but it all ended very badly.
At 17, my parents towed the caravan up to Derbyshire and let us run riot for a weekend. We got into trouble for making too much noise - standard - took LSD and gatecrashed a 2CV rally.
18 was a meal out with friends....unremarkable apart from the coming of age factor.
19 was spent in Surfer's paradise in Oz. I got my nose pierced and ended the evening rowing with my best friend. I called her Miss. Perfect and she 'insulted' me by retorting with Miss. Pierced Nose. Imaginative.
20 was my first year at Uni. As with most of my first year, I can't remember anything.
21 was spent in Blackpool in a B and B. I had lots of silly tasks to complete including the essential snog-a-minger and skinny dipping in the sea. Nice. I also celebrated this one in the South of France.
22....no idea but probably the South of France again.
23 was watching England play football against someone for the world cup.
24 was at a joint held party in Golfe Juan. Very messy.
25 was spent in Capri on a boat, working. I think it ended in an argument between the chief stewardess and the bosun.
26 was one of my very favouritist. Lots of presents, lots of friends, lots or revelry and drunken debauchery. The Tequila bar and Xtreme cafe featured.
27 was the one where I was supposed to be at a friends wedding. I had my polka dot dress and everything. Unfortunately the boss came down and I had to work. Boo. Oh yes, and my now ex-boyfriend lied about what he was doing and didn't come and see me when he could have. A bad one.
28 was spent at Cafe Brun in Biot. A random selection of friends and ended messily.
29 was last year. Not my favourite at all. It was the first birthday spent without Dad, who passed away on Valentine's Day last year. As we shared the birthday, it was weird not being able to call him up in the morning and sing 'Happy birthday' to each other down the phone. I also had just come out of a long term relationship and it was lonely waking up by myself. There was definitely some tears as I opened cards, then some drunkenness at the Lincoln pub.
And that brings me to 30. I am full of hope for this one. It will involve some camping, some drinking and some silly behaviour I hope.
Bring it on.
Spinny head
Today I have a spinny head. I am not confused or hectic, it's more like some kind of illness.
Since yesterday, I have been headachy and sore throaty and also some sort of spinny heady.
I can't work out whether the feeling is pleasant or horrible. It's almost like I am not quite here and slightly dizzy, slightly euphoric. Only slightly euphoric mind.
I want my normal brain back as this one is filled with mashed potato in a blender.
Since yesterday, I have been headachy and sore throaty and also some sort of spinny heady.
I can't work out whether the feeling is pleasant or horrible. It's almost like I am not quite here and slightly dizzy, slightly euphoric. Only slightly euphoric mind.
I want my normal brain back as this one is filled with mashed potato in a blender.
Tuesday 12 June 2007
Choice
Finally succeeded in a night out with the two fave boys of the moment. It involved some careful planning of a slightly stalkerish knowing-what-time-he-finishes-work nature, and a lot of coercion of the sister to come out of her hungover vegetative state to have some hairs of the proverbial mutt.
Anyway, a top night had by all involved.....apart from perhaps the sister, who after so much resistance, enjoyed her 'hairs' so much, she fell off her bike on the way home.
The hot Aussie pretty much spent the entire weekend at my flat albeit on the sofa. Very chilled, no dramas. I weaved as many shirt-off opportunities as possible into the weekend plans, i.e. the pool, the gorge etc.
He finally cycled off at 10.30pm on the Sunday night, all relaxed and in topless photos very much stored on my camera.
No gossip to tell and no idea of his intentions, but I am intrigued all the same, if only to touch the chest! However, it is the quick witted Ralph that is still the favourite.
All this said, having not fancied anyone for ages (crushes aside), there are now two. TWO. Like bloody buses or sommat they say....
Two choices yet probably zero chances....still working on it....
Anyway, a top night had by all involved.....apart from perhaps the sister, who after so much resistance, enjoyed her 'hairs' so much, she fell off her bike on the way home.
The hot Aussie pretty much spent the entire weekend at my flat albeit on the sofa. Very chilled, no dramas. I weaved as many shirt-off opportunities as possible into the weekend plans, i.e. the pool, the gorge etc.
He finally cycled off at 10.30pm on the Sunday night, all relaxed and in topless photos very much stored on my camera.
No gossip to tell and no idea of his intentions, but I am intrigued all the same, if only to touch the chest! However, it is the quick witted Ralph that is still the favourite.
All this said, having not fancied anyone for ages (crushes aside), there are now two. TWO. Like bloody buses or sommat they say....
Two choices yet probably zero chances....still working on it....
Friday 8 June 2007
Home time!
Yay! I completed my course, passed my exam and actually learnt something. On top of which, it is Officially Friday in about one hour and my little sister has come out to play for 10 whole days. She will be waiting for me in the pub shortly where we will drink wine, laugh a lot and perhaps fall over sometime later.
Amongst all the Interesting Things I have learnt, I have also learnt the following:-
- I have the attention span of a slightly retarded fish
- My bladder is seemingly tiny
- The guy upstairs in marketing in strangely attractive in a French creative sort of way
- I am worryingly addicted to Facebook. More so than initially thought which renders me
some sort of teenager.....I missed it
- I do not know how to spell excercise
- I have been in denial about nibbling my nails for most of my life, it is time to be open
- My beautiful treasured charm bracelet is rattle-y and annoying in a classroom situation
All in all, a productive and educational week.
Amongst all the Interesting Things I have learnt, I have also learnt the following:-
- I have the attention span of a slightly retarded fish
- My bladder is seemingly tiny
- The guy upstairs in marketing in strangely attractive in a French creative sort of way
- I am worryingly addicted to Facebook. More so than initially thought which renders me
some sort of teenager.....I missed it
- I do not know how to spell excercise
- I have been in denial about nibbling my nails for most of my life, it is time to be open
- My beautiful treasured charm bracelet is rattle-y and annoying in a classroom situation
All in all, a productive and educational week.
Wednesday 6 June 2007
Back to school
I haven't been to school since 1995. I did attend lectures after that for several years but these only lasted a short time and attendance was at times, minimal. I think I did 12 hours a week.
This week I am back to school. I am attending a course with the top boss man and concentrating for 7 hours a day is proving tricky.
What's more, I have an exam to complete at the end.
Shit the bed.
This week I am back to school. I am attending a course with the top boss man and concentrating for 7 hours a day is proving tricky.
What's more, I have an exam to complete at the end.
Shit the bed.
Tuesday 5 June 2007
Ralph did me. In the toilets.
Most pubs in this part of the world have only one toilet, two at a push. When the pub gets busy, this usually involves a queue of mainly women waiting their turn.
On this occasion, there was a queue of largely and almost exclusively Australian men.
The object of last weeks crush (who works behind the bar), asked me for a favour. Could I please wait in line with the most enormous industrial size toilet roll ever, and replace the empty one.
He hands me the key with a smile and skips* off back to the bar. This is not a bar were you can queue inside the toilet confines I might add, but in the main busy Friday night bar, in full view of well....everyone.
Comments such as 'When a girl's gotta go, a girl's gotta go', 'That's a really attractive look babe' and 'No need to ask for which number you need to go for' fly around while I try and hold onto the increasingly heavy giant toilet roll. I growl inwardly.
I enter the toilet, carry out the favour amongst other (#1) things and leave. The lads are all still laughing and one tops it all with 'Stand back lads, I'd give this one a few minutes if I were you'.
Bloody wanker Ralph.
I hand back the key with a raised eyebrow, he laughs and apologises in a not nearly sincere enough manner. I think it makes me like him more - the bastard.
Anyway, it makes for a great anecdote later in the evening when I am sitting talking to one of his friends.
A very hot Aussie lad.
*I could never fancy a man who skips so this is purely for effect.
On this occasion, there was a queue of largely and almost exclusively Australian men.
The object of last weeks crush (who works behind the bar), asked me for a favour. Could I please wait in line with the most enormous industrial size toilet roll ever, and replace the empty one.
He hands me the key with a smile and skips* off back to the bar. This is not a bar were you can queue inside the toilet confines I might add, but in the main busy Friday night bar, in full view of well....everyone.
Comments such as 'When a girl's gotta go, a girl's gotta go', 'That's a really attractive look babe' and 'No need to ask for which number you need to go for' fly around while I try and hold onto the increasingly heavy giant toilet roll. I growl inwardly.
I enter the toilet, carry out the favour amongst other (#1) things and leave. The lads are all still laughing and one tops it all with 'Stand back lads, I'd give this one a few minutes if I were you'.
Bloody wanker Ralph.
I hand back the key with a raised eyebrow, he laughs and apologises in a not nearly sincere enough manner. I think it makes me like him more - the bastard.
Anyway, it makes for a great anecdote later in the evening when I am sitting talking to one of his friends.
A very hot Aussie lad.
*I could never fancy a man who skips so this is purely for effect.
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