Stability

Can't believe how long it is since I wrote an entry.

I just got back from holiday last night and this morning I weighed in at 84.5kg. I can't believe how long I've been at this weight for but happy I maintained throughout the holiday.

Sadly I've just had an epic McDonalds binge on account of the overwhelming feeling of being back at work. Sad to be back, sad at the e-mails to plough through - thankfully not pressing but numerous nonetheless - sad at the state of my bank account etc etc etc.

Feeling better for now, less panicky but assume the guilt and self-loathing is about to kick in. Am thirsty enough to drink a swimming pool to boot on account of all the salt.

Still seeing the dietician sporadically although I think she despairs of me. My only saving grace is that the weight since I've been seeing her hasn't gone back up.

Onwards and downwards as they say...

Bad times

It's been a while. I'm probably about 60% on track and sitting about 84.5kg at the moment.
Four weeks or so have passed since the last dietician appointment (I cancelled, she cancelled, French air traffic control cancelled) and there has been my birthday and various other indulgent occasions.

I'm not giving up. I'm seeing her next Tuesday and I hope to be at least the same weight and then push on forward.

This weekend is going to be a bit of a challenge. Saturday a friend has rented a small sailing yacht for 12 of us to go out to the Cannes islands. There will be rosé, cake and items made with white flour - I must restrain.
Sunday is the Wimbledon final which will more than likely mean Pimms, cake and yummy sandwiches with the crusts cut off.

The running and exercise in general is going well and I'm into the last 12 weeks of my half marathon training. I've bought some new top of the range Asics which seem to help the shin splints somewhat, if not entirely.
Last week I also did two sessions of the 30 day shred. I know I'm supposed to do it everyday - it's hardcore - but at least I did it twice and I will do it again. I also did two runs and a boxercise class so not all bad but I won't mention two mcdonalds and a large bowl of chips....

There is quite a lot of crappy stuff going on at the moment. The Boy has lost his great aunt and a very close friend the same age of him. Both were shocking and unexpected.
My sister is back in rehab just four weeks after her wedding. I have been predicting a post-wedding breakdown for months now. She suffers from depression and anxiety and isn't built to cope with peaks in stress, plus she is an alcoholic. Her last rehab drying out session was only last October and the 'controlled drinking' she has been attempting has not worked.
I hope her new marriage lives through this blip as she needs her husband.
We also found out yesterday that the Boy's contract ends in September when we previously had thought it to be a permanent one. Based on a horrible winter just done following his November redundancy, the future for us looks a little shaky.

All this said, it is not an excuse to eat crap. I've been letting myself get a little slack admittedly and giving in too much to tempting occasions. If I can plough through this weekend and not do too much damage, I'll be chuffed.
I've got two more runs to do this week and I'd love to do a couple more 30 day shred sessions, plus tomorrow should involve plenty of swimming.
The chin, she is firmly up.

The Sugar monster

I have only had one day of clean eating this week :(

My days seem to all include chocolate which is the only thing to blight my otherwise virtuous eating. But not just one chocolate or one bar it seems. Ugg.

Sugar IS the thing I need to give up most and I have done it before and seen results. It really is time to do it again.
Perhaps if I could allow myself one sweet treat a week....but I'm not sure that would work. I have a feeling I'm an all or nothing type.

Yesterday saw a crunchie and a small dairy milk thing, the day before saw two godiva bars which weren't even nice. Today I've eaten a whole mint chocolate dairy milk aero type bar. A BIG one. HUGE in fact.
I feel sick and disappointed but not surprised. Other than that, things started well and will continue well. I started the day off with a run, followed by soy yoghurt mixed with berries and oats. Four thin oatcakes with tomato for a snack then a turkey, humous, roast veg and spinach salad for lunch. Ok.....I may have overdone the humous...

I don't buy all of this chocolate (although I did yesterday), it is just in the office. Today I struggled all day with obsessive thoughts about the dairy milk mint bar. They would come and stay in my head for a while, then go away again. All day I've been congratulating myself how far through the day I've come without grabbing the bar. I got to 4pm - nearly the whole work day, then grabbed it and ate it hidden away. Disgusting.

Tonight I'll have a small omelette and salad, drink lots of water and deal with the sugar fall out.
Tomorrow I'll try again to have a sugar-free day.

This morning I was 83.5kg.

Clean day

Well, there was just the one sadly but I'm hoping to keep the rest of the day (following a chocolate bar) on track. I'm pissed off with myself to say the least.

I had an ok w/e until Saturday night when I drank a lot of wine and gin and tonic. Sunday was a baby shower and saw all sorts of lovely things that I'm not supposed to eat, plus a fair amount of bubbles.

Yesterday I was wondering how much I want this. Life seems to be a constant uphill slog against my weight which never really moves more than a few kilos. I was so sure that this time, it would be different but already I'm stalling.
I really want this, it would mean a lot to be to be a healthy weight but my willpower falters (over sugary items and alcohol) way too often.

I was determined to eat clean yesterday as last week was fairly shocking. Yesterday was great foodwise, and this morning started off well until just now when I've eaten a fair amount of chocolate. If that can be the only slip-up for the week, I will be more than happy.

I have a healthy lunch ahead and am determined.

biscuits and control

I'm dead chuffed with my workouts for this week although my shin splints are giving me a bit of a problem running, I must admit.

I've done three bikini bootcamp sessions (1.5hours of circuit training, boxing, weights abs etc) and one 7km run in five days. I'm feeling great for it and very motivated for exercise.

Next week I need to go to the doctors to check out my shins (although I imagine he'll just tell me to rest) and also buy some new trainers as I'm sure they're not good enough for the amount of running I've been doing. Also, I've never had a problem with shin splints before either so that makes me suspicious that they've only come about since I've had these trainers.
My trainers were from an outlet in the States, on sale for $40. I didn't even buy them, a friend chose them for me so I guess I should really do some research and buy myself a pair. I'm thinking I should be spending upwards of €100 for a pair and with the insoles, they will hopefully help the shinsplints.

Anyway, my eating hasn't been marvellous and I'm struggling to have a clean day. This morning has seen a mini biscuit binge which I'm not proud off.
Am now working my way through a pile of cherries and feeling guilty about the biscuits but a little more satisfied generally.
I'm not sure the bottle of rosé last night helped matters either. It always makes me crave sugar the next day, although I'm pretty sure I sweated out all the toxins this morning.

I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to keep packets of biscuits or bars of chocolate in the house without feeling the compulsion to eat the lot. I'm thinking not. It's not something I ever have in the house for that reason but I'd love to have a bar of dark chocolate for those cravings.

Struggling again/moderation

84kg's this morning. I seem to be a bit stuck. It is still 5kg down from my highest but I haven't really budged in a while. The wedding was definitely a sticking point, and I had to fight back down to my weight before that (which I pretty much am now) but that was two week's ago.

My eating hasn't been great I must admit. I succumbed to a mini binge following the dietician appointment last week. (I'd stayed the same on her scales for the record, which she seemed happy with).
I ended up getting a smallish bit of banana cake and a brownie, then I had two crisp sandwiches before dinner of salmon and veg. Not devasting but not that great either.

The thing that I really need to work on (sugar is still a MAJOR issue for me) is being able to stop at one or two. For example, I didn't eat that much on Saturday - an omlette and some quinoa and roast veg. Then in the evening I was babysitting and was peckish and hadn't brought anything pre-prepared with me. The kids had these horrible french vanilla biscuits (les princes?) and instead of eating one or two out of desperation, I ate about 7, even though I don't really like them and wasn't THAT hungry. I only stopped because there was only two left...

Yesterday I indulged in pizza - only half but white flour all the same. It wasn't even that nice.
I also had a slice of bakery quiche as I was starving after going scuba diving. Again it was pretty tasteless.
Snacks during yesterday's picnic at Lac de St-Cassien were not soooo bad with crudites and houmous but there were also M & M's involved along the way, oh yes...and crisps. Ugg.

This morning I was still 84kg and was full of resolve on how to break through the next barrier. Then I got into work and there were some marzipan chocolates on the side. Instead of sampling the one, I have sneakily had about 8, on top of my breakfast.
I now feel sick and annoyed. Not a good start to the week.

Exercise-wise I only did two out of the four training runs for my half marathon. That said, I did a two hour bootcamp session plus 40 mins scuba diving (not sure that counts but what hey).
We have 15 weeks of training to go before the half marathon and the real training starts in the last 12 weeks if I'm following the Bupa schedule.
I'm off to bootcamp tonight, running tomorrow and will hopefully try and do something every day.

A week of ups and downs.

So it's been a whole week since I was last on here for this. It's been a week full of up's and downs, both emotionally and weight wise.

The wedding was fab, my sister was serene and beautiful and it went off without a hitch. The venue was stunning and I ate lots of yummy food - the only disappointment was probably the wedding breakfast but it didn't really matter one bit.

I had such a fab time when I was there, too much alcohol really (practically two all day drinking sessions) but lots of fun. I saw lots of family and friends and if the day and weekend flew by too quickly for me, I can't imagine what it was like for her.
I was pretty low when we got back on Sunday night, too much wine, too little sleep, fantastic weather and place, too much excitement etc. I didn't really manage to shake this until Wednesday but feel great now.

Monday morning saw the scale up to 86kg but after two fried breakfasts, cake, rocky road, alcohol galore, a Mcdonalds, a wedding breakfast and two Pret a Manger sandwiches, it wasn't much of a surprise. That was not all I ate either in those two short days.

Today I'm back down to a solid 84kg again which I'm happy about considering the damage.
I have another week till I see the dietician (I shamefully cancelled tuesday's appointment so I could lose the weekend weight) so I need the scale to move down further to show a loss over the three weeks since I last saw her.

I'm feeling good now and hope to get plenty of exercise and healthy eating in over the weekend. I managed a swim and a run this week but failed to get out of bed early enough this morning to go.

My running partner has managed two runs without me this week including a tempo run. It unleashed my competitive side and I now feel the need to catch up. I'm also painfully aware that she is fairly petite, therefore will find things easier than me.
I have 16 weeks to go from Sunday (to the race) so need to drop a fair few more kilos in that time. I'm thinking to be 75 kilos - 9 less than I am now) might be nice, although more than a little hopeful.

Vino collapso

Not drinking any wine last night - epic fail.
Healthy eating - pass.

Far too much red wine consumed last night to the point I'm feeling a little queasy this morning but I ate white fish, green veggies and a small meat patty thing. The halo I'm wearing over the food is outweighed (literally) but he wine...but never mind.

Exercise is lacking a little this week too, but more out of not enough time and social commitments. I'll definitely get on the crosstrainer tomorrow but I'm lunching today and have the guy coming to fix one of the electric shutters after work. Then I need to head to Carrefour to buy an iron for my new tennant, then print off the photos from my my sister's hen weekend as per last minute request from one of the bridesmaids. Oh and buy a roast chicken for tea and get the boy some shoes to wear to the wedding...ugg.

Then tomorrow, ash cloud depending, I'll be flying home to the UK for the wedding. Whoop whoop!
That is after I've cross-trained, cleaned the flat, done my toes, had a quick and very naughty UV session (the weather has been pants for my desired healthy glow), dropped off the iron and picked up the boy on the way to the airport. I'm weak with the thought.

I'll be taking my gym stuff to the wedding on the off-chance I get to use the gym but I'm not sure how likely that is to be honest.

84kg

The weekend's activities saw a high of 85kg's on Monday morning, which is back down to 84kg this morning. I'm feeling fairly virtuous and haven't been craving sugar too badly - Day 4.

I'm off to a quay party tonight, not to be confused with a key party. My friend is a deckhand on a yacht and he's having a bbq to celebrate his birthday on the quay with the rest of his crew and a few friends.
I'm going to try and avoid alcohol and I should be able to handle the bbq ok. That said, I'm starving right now so I hope there are some healthier options.

Other news to note - I have just pulled out 6 grey hairs with tweezers in the work bathroom. The light is great for it! I'm sure I'm not supposed to pull them out for some grow-two-back-myth but to be honest, I don't get that many and I'm just glad I didn't get caught in our unisex toilet!

The power of the carb.

My worst fears were true last night and my house guests cooked veggie lasagne, wedges and made a mixed salad.
I tried not to overindulge and it was delicious but I am left feeling bloated, queasy and like I've fallen off the wagon this morning. Pasta in the evening always bloats me and as well as being a binge food/trigger, it just seems to make my digestion sluggish, so I try and avoid it altogether.
The positive side of this was that the carbs made me run my 7km this morning filled with energy. I honestly felt like I could do the whole 7km's again which bodes well for the fact I'm training to do 21km....

My ash cloud refugees have now left (by car!) and I'm left with an empty (if not somewhat grubby) flat and no temptation. Time to reign it back in.

I plan to eat healthily, do plenty of exercise, avoid sugar and stay off the booze until the Saturday wedding. The scary news is that there is something wrong with the car, so if the ash cloud returns, I'll not be able to drive to Calais as outlined in my contingency plan. I'm hoping that by having a contingency plan, I'll not need it - isn't that the way that it works??
I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

As well as running the 7km this morning, I'm going to boxercise after work today to make up for the fact it was cancelled yesterday. As soon as I get my apartment back into order, I want to get going with a whittle my middle/30 day shred kind of plan. I have the dvd, the weights and the knowledge of the abs exercises, I just need to start doing something about it......

Day 3 of no sugar :)

Mostly terrible.

The sugar thing literally lasted one day.
However I'm already on Day 2 again as the only slip up was Saturday.

I can say one thing about the weekend and that is that there was a lot of alcohol involved. A lot.
It was the boy's birthday on Thursday - he turned 28 to my 32. We had many, many drinks until collapsing around the 3am mark. I really must learn to grow up.
Friday night I had a couple of small slices of pizza in the pub and I would have abstained altogether, only it was kind of forced on me. One of my friends had run out to get a couple for everyone to share but noticed that I hadn't had any and then made me eat two by making a big deal out of the fact I only had one slice. I'm not normally hungry when I'm out drinking and never really get the drunken munchies as such - it's the next day when I get out of control, and out of control I got.

Saturday saw a terrible hangover and although I managed a 1.5 hour walk round the Cap d'Antibes, things started to unravel at lunch. I shared a seafood starter which wasn't too naughty apart from the deep-fried white fish, followed by sea bass. We also shared a panna cotta three ways which wasn't so disastrous either.
Late afternoon was a small pot of Ben and Jerry's, a turkish delight and a curly wurly and 10.30pm saw an ordered takeaway of mozzarella sticks, chicken nuggets and onion rings. Not only a random selection of deep-fried shite but also a very immature order of food. Yuk.
I definitely regretted finishing off the boy's chicken wings - sooooo greasy.

Yesterday was a new day and although I didn't eat much, what I did eat was quite frankly rubbish. There was also lots more wine involved although I don't feel too bad today.
In the interest of accountability and for my own personal record, I ate one hard boiled egg, two skinny frankfurter sauages, two slices of ham, crisps, two fishfingers and about 8 french fries. Volume good, content bad. And wine. And a lot more crisps.

This morning I am back to 85kg's which I'm hoping is the sheer amount of salt ingested over the weekend, although I deserve it to be real weight to be honest.

Today is Day 2 of no sugar :) and Day 1 of no alcohol until at least my sister's wedding on Saturday. If I can get there that is....bloody ash cloud.

I currently have 4 refugees in my flat, 2 more than it can handle, as they can't get back to the UK following the Monaco Grand Prix. Having a full house stresses me out and after telling them to sort out dinner tonight, I'm now worried I'll have no control over what they cook.

Will try and upload some photos over the next few days - perhaps some beginning-of-diet body shots.

Anyway, I must do some work...

SUGAR

Well it's 12.07pm and I have thought about sugar about 7 times. Not massive cravings as such, just more like - 'what sweet item can I munch?'

Off out to buy some almond butter at lunchtime to try and add protein to my snack to help curb the cravings. I know a small amount of peanut butter was hitting the spot before but the dietician isn't too keen on that - not a real nut apparently.

Sugar challenge Day 1

The dietician was happy with my progress yesterday - a loss of about 3.5 kilos in 4 weeks.
I'm happy with that too and can see how this slower weight loss and new way of eating, could eventually lead to goal.
I don't feel like I'm on a diet (perhaps because I've been cheating a little but also because I have the odd glass of wine) and generally feel good.
It just makes me wonder how much better I could have done if I hadn't eaten all the sugar that has slipped in there.

Yesterday, after the appointment with her I had a sugar binge, the same as after the last appointment. I don't know whether it is just a reward thing that I don't want to get into the habit of doing or whether it is just a deeply ingrained behaviour.
I was definitely hungry but mostly because it was time to eat.
I went straight to the shop and bought two millefeuilles (custard slices?) and a pack of three skinny toblerone bars. I ate these around my healthy dinner of salmon and veg. Plus two glasses of wine....well it was a bank holiday here yesterday....me? excuses?

Anyway, so here's my plan. My next dietician appointment is in a week and a half (25th) and in between now and then I have two weekends, to include my sister's wedding in the Uk - think booze, food and more importantly cake.
With the exception of perhaps the cake, I plan not to eat any sugar between now and then.
I think this is going to be hard but I'll definitely write how I get on here.

Sugar sugar sugar

Well, it's fair to say I just attacked some biscuits - grrrr. Feeling sickly now and annoyed - it'd been a good day until that point.

Soya yoghurt, strawberries and oats for breakfast then a spinach and rocket salad for lunch with loads of goodies in, to include bulgar wheat, feta, roast veg and a very small leftover chicken strip from the bbq we had on Monday. Yum.

I am definitely going to get some advice from the dietician tomorrow about protein snacks to go with my fruit. I eat too many nuts when I have them so that's ruled out and oatcakes (although this isn't protein) are too moreish and I...er....well....eat more than I should.
I can't eat cheese due to my dairy intolerance/skin issues and soya yoghurt without anything in it, tastes like wallpaper paste.

I've got to get rid of the sugar as well because I'm indulging in it far too often at the moment. I guess my justification is that I'm mostly off the white flour and alcohol so I deserve something. Not good.
I'm going to try and do a week without next week, starting tomorrow.

It's bank holiday here tomorrow and normally I'd go out for a couple of vino's tonight and lie in tomorrow. However although I'm out for dinner tonight, I won't be drinking (I hope) and I'll try and get up to run tomorrow. It's definitely beginning to take over my life albeit in a good way.

I seem to have some sort of shin splints from the running mind you but after some intense internet self diagnosis, I've bought some insoles for my trainers for my wonky feet. I'm hoping these help somewhat. It's worrying as I'm busy collecting sponsorship for the great north run and don't want any kind of hindering injury.

I'd figured if I was training for a half marathon in September, I might as well carry on through the winter and try and get into the London marathon - something I've always wanted to do.
Only to get on the site and realise the ballot has already closed! Surely it was only on last week or something!!
So I've applied through the charity I'm running the GNR with but won't find out till much later in the year. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

I can really see the pounds dropping off slowly between now and September. I already feel fitter and sometimes smaller...although not post-biscuit binge. Ugg.

83.5kg (184lbs - 13 stone 2lbs) dehydrated weight

So that's what I was this morning. It shows that I'm definitely doing the right thing although I'm note sure it was a true reading...based on the amount of wine I had yesterday. I tend to find the scale reads lower after booze - an effect of the dehydration I imagine. Not good.

I was a solid 84 over the weekend though, which is back to my pre-Xmas weight at least. 4.5 months to lose the Xmas weight...eek.

I'm still really struggling with sugar cravings and issues. I'm not proud of the fact I nicked a few biscuits from my colleagues draw last week and again this morning. Last week I was feeling shakey after a run and this morning was due to a hangover. It just goes to show that I can't be trusted to be good with food with a hangover.

I also ate quite a bit of chocolate over the weekend - a bounty, a dairy milk, a yorkie and then some liquorice allsorts. The rest of the weekend was pretty good food-wise and very limited wine on fri and sat. Yesterday was another story.

I'm going to try and cut out the sugar - imagine the difference if I succeed with that!

I'm also struggling to get protein in with every snack, which probably leads to the unbalanced blood sugars and cravings. I'll have to work on this.

On a better note, I used the cross trainer last weds and thursday, ran for 40 mins on Friday tempo running (last 5 mins were walking as got bad stitch), more cross training on Sat and an 8km run on Sunday which took 56 minutes - still too slow!

I plan on boxercise tonight and no alcohol until I see the dietician on Thursday. Plus exercise every day until then although not sure how I'll fit it in tomorrow mind you....

Mini binge

I've been following the dietician's suggestions for nearly three weeks now and this morning I was thinking I hadn't binged for those three weeks. Yes, I have snacked unecessarily on chocolate and other sugary treats but no bingeing.
Then I remembered this morning, a mini-binge I had after the dietician's appointment last week. I had been working in Monaco all day which was quite stressful and had started thinking about sugary treats when the Dairy Milk was wheeled out after lunch. Conscious I couldn't have any before seeing the dietician, I resisted. My thoughts moved on to millefeuille cakes and by the time I was driving towards her house (some 6 hours later), I just knew I was going to try and find something suitable after the appointment.
I found mini almond tarts (think Bakewell tarts without the icing) in a 6 pack and ater four in the car. The remaining two got munched when the boy went down to the car for something and I didn't even feel sick!
Strange how this got shoved away and forgotten about so quickly.

I guess this isn't so bad compared to times past. I'm not supposed to be eating sugar or white flour, so in that sense it was bad. Plus it was that whole thing where I get something in my head and it doesn't leave until I satisfy it - even when the thing I obtain isn't the same as what I was craving in the first place.

This week seems much better. My eating has been cleaner (not yet perfect) and I am feeling positive and determined today.

This morning I was still 85.5kg (13 stone 5lbs) which I guess isn't bad considering the boozy weekend in the Dam and the mini-binge.
I have one more week to try and shift some more off....fingers crossed.

The Dam

I'm fighting off some grumples and negativity this morning following a boozy weekend in Amsterdam for my little sister's hen.
It doesn't help that we (the boy and I) are both so skint this month, it's going to be a struggle to get by.

Firstly, I must report on the dietician appointment last wednesday. My scales showed a 1.5kg - 2kg loss on my scales. Sadly her scales (first time I've weighed on them) weighed 2kg's heavier but I guess it is all relative.
She was pleased with that and so was I guess. It's not the weight loss I've seen before on weightwatchers, but I'll take it. It's not a diet I suppose and more of a lifestyle change - I need to keep remembering that.
I left feeling positive and prepared for my weekend of boozing ahead.

As for Amsterdam, there was inevitably some good and some bad.

I battled my travel/binge demons and started the day (friday) on a hard boiled egg - it would have been more only the boy had eaten the other one that morning. I survived on coffee and an innocent fruit smoothie until late lunch at 2pm where I had a thai chicken salad and a piece of rye bread. I had approximately 5 dutch chips (delicious) and avoided alcohol all day, unlike the other 9 hens who were boozing on and off all day. They actually cheered when I had my first drink! The dietician said not to worry too much and enjoy the weekend away so I decided to relax on the alcohol a little and try and make good choices.
At the Indonesian restaurant in the evening, I had chicken skewers and mixed veg with a bit of sate sauce, no rice.

Saturday saw me get up for a 30 minute run in the rain round Amsterdam. I was so chuffed with myself and it was very beautiful running over bridges and round canals.
I had a couple of mini sausages for breakfast, fruit and yoghurt, two brown rolls with luncheon meat, herbal tea and coffee.....well the breakfast cost €15 and I thought I should make the most of it, plus I'd been for a smug run!
I didn't eat again till dinner time but I knew dinner would be naughty as I'd already checked out the pasta only menu. Dinner was excellent though and included singing waiters, lots of antipasto followed by pasta and an ice cream and fruit platter for dessert. In my head I'd already resigned myself to enjoying it, plus it cost €65 in the end so I'm glad I did. Well worth it for the atmosphere and singing though. A fair amount of alcohol consumed though.

Sunday saw a breakfast of three jammy dodgers and a handful of pringles....we missed breakfast and it took forever to get the hens ready to check out so was starving. Not exactly a great choice I know.
Lunch was a chicken, bacon and avocado salad which was kind of healthy. No bread.

I did indulge in a small portion of chips and sate sauce (best ever) and a piece of rocky road for dinner from Starbucks. Two glasses of red wine on the plane back to France, forced on me by a friend that happened to be on board the plane by surprise and that was it for the day. Not great choices but not great in amount either....

Anyway, I'm back now and back on the wagon. I had a good day yesterday and weighed 85.5 this morning so am at a standstill. Not too much damage done over the weekend.

I'm going to boxercise and pilates tonight and hopefully a run tomorrow if this torrential rain eases off....

I just need to shake the post drinking blues and all will be well. I think exercise and another early night will help.

That is all for now...

weekend shenanigans

I was pretty good with my eating over the weekend although I had some dairy milk (favourite chocolate) and some wine....naughty.

The only time I felt deprived was over cake. I love cake. It was homemade victoria sponge too which is one of my favourites goddam. Anyway, I resisted that as well and the millionaires shortbread but I did get quite drunk which is not so saintly.

I snacked on some roast chicken before I went in case there was no diet friendly food at the party. I never normally do this and it worked a treat as all that was available was pizza, white bread, paté and cake. The wine wasn't ideal, but well deserved after the mornings 9km run.

Sunday I went to a friends for lunch - a lovely south of france spring day which had to be enjoyed with a couple of glasses of rosé. Lunch was pretty healthy mind, bar a slice of white bread that the goats cheese was grilled on.

This morning I was a solid 85 (proving that yesterdays hungover reading of 84 kilos was from dehydration) and hope to be 84 by the time I see the dietician on Thursday. We'll see...

Feeling healthy and less bloated as well as inspired to run after watching yesterdays London Marathon.

On not bingeing

I am trying to get my head round the fact that this weight loss will take time. A long time.
I am learning a new way of eating, not just dieting to reach goal.
This is something I must keep up, and I really think I can.

The dietician told me she firmly believes in the 80/20 rule but at the beginning it is better to operate at 90/10 - which I think I'm doing ok at.
I had one mini chocolate binge last week - 8 chocolates in one sitting, but other than that, things are mostly fine. I'm not sure I could call eating 5 oatcakes instead of 2 a binge as such, but I know every little counts.

Normally weekends are spent hungover and feasting on white carb laden treats, often pastries from the boulangerie and chocolate. Last weekend was healthy all the way which was good and made me feel light.

Even now, 1kg down as of this morning, I feel lighter and energised - I'm sure the lack of alcohol has a lot to do with this mind you....

I haven't binged like I used to in over a week although the day I met with the dietician, there was an incident involving a packet of crunchie biscuits, last supper style gorging.

This morning I have had apple and two teaspoons of nut butter as breakfast, followed by a snack of oats, blueberries and soya yoghurt. I realise I have my breakfast as a snack as such but I'm just not terribly hungry first thing.
I'm looking forward to egg breakfasts this weekend - I love eggs - and not so much looking forward to the run I must do by myself, especially if my car isn't fixed and therefore the local running terrain isn't as interesting. I'd much rather go down and run on the coast.
I'm also looking forward to getting the flat clean and having a sort out. I hate the thought of such chores but the feeling of accomplishment afterwards is very satisfying, much like running.
I'm not so much looking forward to going to a hat birthday party for a friend on Saturday night as I'm trying to avoid alcohol right now. It could be pretty dull and annoying.

I have a small amount of anxiety regarding the weekend after next as I'm travelling to Amsterdam for my sisters hen weekend.
I'm worried about the alcohol consumption for one, it's unavoidable I reckon. I'm also worried about Saturday nights restaurant choice as I've looked at the menu, the only option is white pasta (being a pasta restaurant). This not only bloats me really badly if eaten late at night, but pasta is also a binge trigger for me.
The hangover binge temptation will be aroused at some point I'm sure too, plus I'm supposed to fit in a training run at some point over the weekend - can't see that happening though.
Lastly I'm worried about the travel aspect of the trip as I always binge on journeys like this.
All in all, quite a few worries.

Denial

I just re-read the last post about me blaming the wholewheat wraps and realised I don't really mean that.

When I re-read the crap I've been adding to my diet then that really must be to blame.

Out with the chocolate and oatcakes!

First week of running training and dietician. Ugg.

Weighed myself this morning after one week of following the dietician plan. I was 86.5kg so have only lost .5kg. Rubbish! Plus it is up from earlier in the week by 1kg.
I am mostly blaming the two wholewheat wraps I had last night as I'm not supposed to be having carbs of an evening.

Last night we went supermarket shopping but to a much smaller supermarket, due to the fact we are still car-less. I couldn't get a lot of the things the dietician recommended buying/trying which was more than a bit of a bugger. I'll do a top-up shop at the weekend if we get a car back.

This mornings weigh-in was a little disheartening although I realise I need to eat perfectly and up the exercise a bit more in this next week until I see her.

I managed a run at lunch but really struggled for the 40 mins we ran - read stumbled. My legs felt like lead and I'm wondering if I can still blame tuesdays boxercise class for all the squats and lunges....not sure.
Anyway, I know I'm going to have some bad runs along the way where I really struggle but thank god I was with my running partner today as I would definitely have thrown in the towel after 10 minutes otherwise. I'm pretty good at motivating myself to go running but very bad at persevering when it comes to the actual running if I'm alone. I know I can do it, my body is definitely capable but I need to reach in and find the will power to carry on and not walk.
This weekend will see me tackle my first training run alone - fingers crossed I'll be able to complete it.

My food today has been very good apart from three small chocolates. Not good but an improvement for sure.
I also stopped at two oatcakes today - I'll not be buying these again due to my inability to stop munching them.

Starting to flounder...

I don't know why but I've already started to cheat...in the first week.
The dietician was very firm about alcohol, of which I've not touched drop. I've also severely limited the carbs and cut out the items she asked of me.
However yesterday I ate quite a few chocolates...about 8. From a box at work. I also did a 45 minute run (first of my training and 6.5km) and an hours boxercise class...but I don't think this was enough to cancel them out. Particularly as my evening dinner choice (at a restaurant for a friends birthday) could have been better. I had aubergine parmesan bake with ham and egg in it, when I should have chosen fish and salad or the like. I only drank water though and there was no carbs in it.

Today I've been ok but realise now that I mustn't buy oatcakes as the little packs contain 7 and I should only eat two for a snack. Both yesterday and today I've eaten 5 as a snack in one sitting, and then there was the question of the two marshmallows and two chocolates from next door again.
Other than that the eating has been clean...but this must stop. Now.

I will weigh myself tomorrow morning for the first week's weigh in, but in the meantime I will try and get back on the wagon and remember how determined I am.

I don't need the chocolate and sweet treats and I feel good when I stick to my plan and portion size....must try harder.
I hope to do some cross training tonight and then I have a lunchtime run tomorrow, so fingers crossed the healthy habits will be resumed.

This is my last hope.

D(ietician)-Day

So last Thursday, I finally met up with the dietician that I've been going on about. She ended up coming to the office after work as both our cars have broken down at the moment.
Despite shutting all the doors to my office, she seemed to be shouting out lots of embarrassing facts about weight loss, that made me cringe thinking my two bosses could hear in the office next door. Particularly as I had told my boss that I needed the office to meet up with a trainer about running the Great North Run half marathon in September. I am actually running it but the trainer part was a complete lie.

I was pleased to know that I do make the right choices food-wise and that I actually know quite a bit about nutrition already. However I eat too much (portion sizes are an issue), drink too much wine at the weekends and generally eat too much crap at the weekends...although am good in the week.
Í learnt quite a bit and the plan seems quite flexible as such but I will be avoiding alcohol (as much as possible), white flour products and items with a high G.I.
No treats but I shouldn't feel hungry.

The meeting was not ground-breaking as such - I guess everyone hopes for some sort of miracle answer - but I am feeling reasonably determined and accepting that this is going to be a long process. The alcohol is going to be the tricky one for me and although I have just managed a wine-free weekend (highly unusual for me), I feel there will be challenges ahead in this department.
I like the idea of the accountability and feel like I need the dietician to keep on track. I have asked her to weigh me in two weeks time so we shall see.
I have pledged to see her every two weeks and have had to do some measurements. Next time, we will work on a goal...but personally I am hoping to lose at least two stone by the Great North Run - that is 5 months today. Totally do-able.

This morning I was 85.5 kilos, so the wine-free weekend seems to have paid off so far. I know I shouldn't weigh myself often - I guess once a week would be fine, but I'm so curious and sneaky peeks seem so harmless when the scale is going down....

GNR

I am running the Great North Run in September - so excited and nervous at the same time. I know I'll need to be a couple of stone lighter to do it and I'm hoping the training will help achieve this goal, along with some healthy eating and help from the dietician :)

There are 22.5 weeks to go and the Training schedule for beginners takes 12 weeks. I can already run 6/7km so need to gradually up this to 21km in order to complete the course. My biggest fear is that the training will have to take place over the summer, in temperatures of 30 degrees or so. I can see a lot of early mornings coming up to beat that heat....

I don't particularly enjoy running and I HATE the thought of going but the feeling afterwards is undeniably awesome. I look forward to my body getting stronger and hopefully smaller over time but I also know there are going to be some hard times ahead. Not only in terms of training, but also in terms of holding back on food. I hope to challenge my binge foods and find out exactly when I'm driven to eat mindlessly.